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PRECIS: THE STORY. WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS....

Billy’s dad is an alcoholic.  Robert’s mum is a neurotic.  Noel’s dad is a paedophile.  Martin’s parents generally don’t even notice he is there.  Although from different backgrounds, the four boys end up in neighbouring estates and all come to attend the same school.



Martin is shy and doesn’t make friends easily and Robert is fat and bad at sports: they gravitate towards each other because no one else would be seen with them and they usually end up being the last picked for sides at football.

Noel is uncomplicated and always out for a laugh, at anyone’s expense.  When his parents provide the family with another sister, instead of the brother he so desperately wants, he seeks out Billy, who although the more mature is equally up for fun.  Not cool or well off enough to hang out with the school elite, the four of them find their natural level in each other’s company. They share many firsts in the four years covered in the novel “Touching Wood”.  Cigarettes, kisses, death, drunkenness, fights, girls, shoplifting, broken noses and ankles are all described in a glorious over-saturated Technicolor detail.



As their stories unfold, Billy finds his father’s drunken and violent outbursts more and more frequent.  Although he tries to look after his mum and younger brothers, Billy eventually resigns himself to the fact the family is better off without him and leaves home with only what will fit in a Tesco bag.


Martin lives in a dream world in which he is listened to and respected.  His actual life consists of being ignored and passed over.  He has ambitions far outweighing his talent or application and flits from one fantasy to the next by the day.  His family time-table his life with curfews and he often is home in bed while his friends are still out playing in the seemingly endless light summer evenings.  Martin falls in love with a girl from school, but wastes the time spent together daydreaming and she leaves his arms to fall straight into Billy’s.  This crushes Martin and ends his friendship with his dearest of companions.


Robert lives with his mum.  She suffers from a personality disorder manifesting itself in obsessive cleaning.  He is afraid to defile her sparkling house and ends up relieving himself like a dog in the nearest bush.  His estranged father makes every effort to keep in touch with Robert; however, all the letters are hidden away as Robert’s mum tries to maintain control over their world.  When she sees her son’s confidence and self-worth totally eroded by her actions, she makes the change within herself to support Robert.


Noel begins the story in a settled family unit.  The birth of his sister brings a slight imbalance of the sexes; Noel and his dad against three women, but this creates a father/son bond that he thought unbreakable.  Noel’s older sister however, carries a terrible burden that he only discovers by accident when he witnesses his dad sexually assaulting her.  Noel internalises his hatred and becomes cold and distant towards all those dear to him.  He finally explodes after his sister runs away from home and the rage is directed squarely at his dad.  Noel’s dad escapes and is found dead days later, having gassed himself in his car.


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Touching Wood 

by 

alan neilson

A perceptive and humorous look at surviving adolescence.  Set in the late 1970’s, it follows four boys’ lives, whose families struggle to stay nuclear.


When four boys are growing up they normally look to their family for support and encouragement.  But if your dad is an alcoholic; or your mum is neurotic; or your friend’s dad is a paedophile; or you are just ignored by the world in general, you tend to find your own way. 

In the wake of punk and in the foreboding quiet before Thatcher, a generation comes to terms with the ever present threat of nuclear destruction and invasion by Soviet forces.  All this whilst suffering school, hair growth, musical revolution and its subsequent dilution, the conquering of girl-kind and conkers.

“Touching Wood” is the story of Martin, Billy, Noel and Robert as they scrape their way out of boyhood into adolescence.  The boys use football, comics, dirty magazines, graffiti and hearsay to navigate through the minefield of growing up.  They fail with drinking, smoking and girls, but end up finding more strength in their own circle than in those around them.




Here's what they said about it:

The Guardian:  "I almost shat myself laughing"

The New York Times:  "I didn't understand a word."

Daily Telegraph:  "A masterpiece of modern fiction."

Germaine Greer:  "It has taken my understanding of the boy growing up to a whole new level."

The Sun:  "A summer smash!"

Richard and Judy:  "Our researchers tell us that if we get paid enough we will say we like it."

Fiesta Magazine:  "It has helped revitalise our dwindling subscription.. thanks."

 Copyright elementary productions 2010